The following are the most common causes of aggression that may lead to anger. The anger may be simmering deep within or readily observable, or both. Keep in mind that anger is a secondary emotion. Another emotions typically precedes the anger or aggression.
- Unmet Needs: Unmet needs sometimes first cause us to feel hurt, then angry. If we felt unloved, abused or unaccepted while growing up or even now, we may feel hurt and angry. This may cause us to consider choices that lead to offending others. It is common to see those who have been hurt follow suit by hurting others.
- Frustration: Usually some sort of tension or frustration precedes anger. We may be frustrated before we are angry. We feel frustration when something or someone hinders our goal achievement, particularly if we have no control or influence over the situation. Appropriate coping skills are necessary in order to ensure frustration does not lead to inappropriate displays of anger.
- Rejection: When we feel or sense rejection we sometimes feel hurt, wounded, frustrated, which can turn to anger. When we are rejected or ignored by someone important to us, such as parents, spouse, children, etc., we may suffer from feelings associated with rejection.
- Destructive Criticism: Criticism may sometimes result in hurt feelings, feelings of being misunderstood, frustration, which can lead to anger and or aggressiveness. When we are verbally abused or ridiculed as kids or as an adult, our sense of self importance may be damaged. When we make mistakes, but others constantly put us down rather than help us, we become hurt, frustrated, and/or sometimes angry. Again, coping skills are important.
- Unrealized Expectations or Desire: Not getting what we want may cause us to choose to feel angry. When a baby wants food, something to play with, or affection, but does not get it, they may cry and/or throw a temper tantrum. Kids and adults do the same thing – only in a different manner.
- Physical pain: Chronic pain can cause a person to be upset since there is often times nothing we can do to mitigate the discomfort. This too can be a control issue. We can get frustrated and express anger.
- Injustice: We may think we have been treated wrongly or in an unjust manner and become frustrated, if not, angry. Some injust treatment may be real; much of it is caused by our own imagination and not supported by the facts.
- Disrespect: When someone shows disrespect by name-calling, putdowns, or some other negative, inconsiderate behavior, we may feel frustrated and/or angry. Coping skills can help us ignore the disrespect.
- Loss: When we experience some sort of loss we may feel hurt and angry. Losses include not seeing someone anymore, death, loss of job, and break-ups, etc. The list of possible losses is endless. There is a grieving process that is often necessary when we suffer loss. If we deny ourselves the benefits of grieving, we will never learn to live with the loss. Grieving is necessary when suffering a significant loss.
- Role Models: Certain people may serve as role models to us. Some role models show positive behaviors while others demonstrate negative behaviors. We must choose wisely who will serve as our role model. If we choose an angry person to emulate, there is a high probability that we will imitate their behavior. Parents, teachers, coaches, clergy, political leaders, etc. should be carefully scrutinized before we choose to follow or imitate them. If they are ‘angry’ people and demonstrate a lack of coping skills, then we may likely follow their example.
- Threats and put-downs: Insults often causes one to become hurt, defensive and aggressive. In such a case there is a fine line between defensiveness and aggression or anger. Some people over-react to perceived threats or put-downs by emotionally exploding. Those who are impulsive, easily influenced and/or believe the threat or put-down are quicker to react with negative anger.
- Stress: Stress is a huge provocation to aggressive behavior or anger. It may cause us to feel easily irritable and react with inappropriate aggression or anger.
Disclaimer: All articles on this website are designed to assist the reader. They are not intended to nor should they be construed as professional counseling.